Mean Mom is Back!
In general, I am a relatively happy person. I have a great family, great kids, great friends, a great support network and no real woes to complain about. Life is good. My Type-A personality usually doesn’t lend itself to go-with-the-flow, it is more like go-with-the-plan but most days I can still roll with the punches. I have learned that you plan first and then just adjust your plan as needed.
But there are about 3 days of every month where all rational sense and good attitude completely leave me and I am left in a crumpled mess of a woman. These are the same three days that “ugly mom” rears her head and my kids are left wondering where “nice mommy” went! I wonder where she goes too and am left yelling out the front door for her to return. QUICKLY!
I’ve been a woman for 36 years so the fact that this is going to happen once a month isn’t a mystery. Not even when it will happen is a mystery. What is a mystery to me is why on earth I CAN NOT control it! That I can’t plan for it, that I can’t stop it from happening. Instead each month I find myself huddled in the time-out corner licking my wounds and wondering why on earth I have to act so irrational to my children and husband. It makes me sad, which then only sends me spiraling down into the “ugly mom” pit more. Anger gives way to depression.
I write about this because I fear that I am not alone in this cycle; yet, I also fear that most of us are silent about the war it rages within us. It is nothing that my husband can comprehend; in fact, I can barely comprehend it. I feel powerless to stop it, which then only makes me more sad. And if I am not alone, that might mean that you suffer the same as I do. You should know (I should be reminded) that we are not alone. That somehow the way our bodies have been created causes this at times, in some women. I also believe that it happens more often in women with children. (Or perhaps it is just magnified by the fact that you are influencing little lives).
Whatever it is, I want to make more sense of it. I want to handle it better. I want to get better. I want other moms to know that they are not alone. And we don’t have to operate alone. Perhaps if we worked on ridding “ugly mom” together we could win?
So do you go through this same thing? How do you deal with it? Did you think you were alone in your battle? Let’s talk, let’s help each other, let’s beat the beast within!
Tricia, this post is so true and so powerful. Thanks for “breaking the silence!” I, too, struggle with this and often wonder why, plagued by feelings of guilt and remorse for my actions and attitude. Ugh! The joys of being a woman. lol